Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
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