oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
