remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
