Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
