Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
