can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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