I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
