its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
