Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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