you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
