I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
