but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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