I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
