this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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