That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
