So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
