You smell like a Billy Joel song
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
