bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
