I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just want to make out with him forever
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
