All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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