there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
honey bunches of taint.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
