Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
