And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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