He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
