Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
