I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
