my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
