The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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