I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
