Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
