I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
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