I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Semen is not good for contacts.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
