i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
