So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
