Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
