they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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