she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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