I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
