Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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