No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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