Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I stole a fireplace last night.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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