Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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