I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Randomize
