maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I think I just shit out all my problems.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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