"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Randomize
