I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
