OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
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My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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