I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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