Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize