Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
