hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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