I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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