My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We left the knife in your bed.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
