I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
