I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
