whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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