What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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