he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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