YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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