College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
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Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
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I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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