Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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