you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
