you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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