Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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