Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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