It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
