Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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