How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize