then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Mom said you looked used
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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