just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
