the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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