According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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