you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
