I can tuck mytits in my pants
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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