i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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