So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
