So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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