She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
