I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
