Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
