I look better un-naked...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
