Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
