I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
