You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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