You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
