I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
