I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We just shotgunned beers for America
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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